Relationships

This week has been one of those weeks that I have really looked back on relationships. Not only have I thought about dating relationships but friendships. I have come to realize that no matter where you are, how far apart you are, if it’s meant to work it will. My best friend lives in Arkansas right now that's 12 hours away. Another close friend of mine lives in New York which just happens to be 12 hours as well. Once I move back to Arkansas I'll see my best friend more yes but will we really be any closer than what we are now. I know that if I need her that she is there for me no matter what and vice versa. As for Jess in New York I haven't seen her in almost four years and we still talk, yes we may be closer if I return to New York, but still again like Sarah I know that Jess is there for me and I am there for her regardless if I am 21 hours away or not. Life is really about decisions.. You decide if you want to stay close to someone or let them go. Since I have lived here in North Carolina I have let several people go. Not that I don't care about them or that our relationship wasn't important just that we have grown in two different directions and we stopped meeting in the middle. Also this week, I watched two movies that are worth seeing again and again because I honestly do believe you can learn from them. "It's Complicated" and "He's Just Not That Into You" really makes you stop and look at relationships.. "He's Just Not That into You" is a little extreme with how people really are or at least the people I know. But if someone cheats on you why take them back.. Why continue to put yourself through things that you can live without? Regardless of the small drama is it as easy as they make it look just to stop loving someone?? Why do we feel so pressured into being with someone that we stay with them because not being with them or more stressful than just making everyone around you happy? It seems to me that life is way too complicated for some people and some relationships. I think that when you find the right person it’s as easy as an important friendship. You complement each other well and you continue to meet in the middle because you care about that person. After all don't you have to put work into any kind of relationship?

Transitions

I haven't been on in awhile so I figured I needed to post something. I had a wonderful time in Arkansas it was a blast seeing my friends and family.. It took we the entire time I was there to get use to the time zone just for me to turn around and come back to North Carolina and be an hour ahead. The drive was extremely long but it gave me plenty of time for thinking... a whole 12 hours both ways because of the detour.. Getting lost wasn't even so bad well except in the middle of the night in Memphis that was kind of creepie but all and all it is worth it and I would do it again in a heartbeat to see the people I love. In fact I have only been in North Carolina for 4 and a half months and was just getting use to it here and being happy and going home ruined it.. So I am moving back to Arkansas finishing school at the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville and then figuring out where to go to Med School since I do not want to go to UAMS. I am sad to leave my job here because I really do love the people I work with.. all of them and that is extremely rare but its like our own little family.. I feel like I have gained extra family members being here but leaving is something I want to do for me.. I moved here to be with my mom and to get away from Arkansas and it turns out that's where I want to be just a little longer. I've always been a Razorback now its just time to graduate as one. Leaving my mom here will be hard but I would much rather be around my sister and nephews with a short distance of 3 hours. Finding a job and a place to rent has now become the issue.. I really honestly wish I could click my heels together 3 times and have everything moved and settled. The only disappointment I have for going back is I am turning down school in New York but I would rather finish in Arkansas and go to Med School there than go there be unhappy and want to go to Med School in Arkansas.. Not that UAMS isn't great because it is I just want to be able to prove i can go on my own where I have no friends or family and make it on my own. Even though I have my friends from freshman year in New York I haven't seen them or even talked to most of them in 3 years. So things will be different and it will be a fresh start and I will be doing something I love. I think I am just ready for a new me.

Spiked

I seem to be lacking energy lately from school to work I am on overload and now it is time for finals... I've discovered a new energy drink.. its called Spike.. the only problem is you can only have one a day which is all I need but I can't seem to sleep even when I drink one early in the morning... so I have decided this is how I am going to make it through the next few days on little sleep.. I have 4 finals and 1 last paper to do.. I work a 12 hour shift tomorrow and then I pack to drive to Little Rock.. Then I sleep work for 3 hours and then hit the road by 12:30 p.m. here and that will put me in Maumelle about 1:30 a.m. Thursday morning! Call me crazy for working so much and not being able to get enough rest but I want to finish finals before I leave North Carolina that way when I am in Arkansas I can spend as much time with my friends and family as possible before leave to go to Missouri to go see me Dad and then Tuesday drive the 12 hours and 12 minutes back to North Carolina for work by Wednesday... Let just hope my body hasn't gotten use to it by the time my drives come.

ready for a break

Between work and studying for finals I have found very little time for myself... so last night I decided to go to gym for an hour or so.. I really forget sometimes how great it feels when you work out.. It was nice just to take some time to myself away from studying and away from the rest of the world. But I was soo overly tired by the time I got home and showered I slept for 12 hours.. My life has resorted to school, study, work, and working out.. I never go out but then again taking classes online doesn't really help the getting to know people factor in a new state. So next semester I have decided to go back to the classroom so I can meet new people.. or be around more people at least.. I have held on to my life in Arkansas and figured I already have friends in Arkansas why do I need them here when I plan on moving to New York in July.. well turns out its inevitable.. you have to meet new people so you don't become a hermit.. But honestly meeting new people can wait til next year because I need a break from my anti-social life break.. I am ready for my 13 hour drive back to Little Rock next week to see my friends, my sister, and my nephews.. even though I am only staying a few days it will be nice to have a life and see my friends that I have been deprived of for the last 4 and a half months.. Then I'm going to Missouri to see my dad since he hasn't made the time to come to Hickory and wont be able to come to Arkansas while I am there.. Now if I can just make it the next 6 days I will be ready to go.. check list.. packing for my trip.. taking four finals, two test on top of the four finals... 1 LAST PAPER.. and 4 more discussion posts.. Then I am done with this never ending semester.. and by Wednesday, the day I leave, I will be good to go right after I get off work at 12:30 that afternoon to drive straight through.. but working 10 days in a row then that long drive is the exhausting part

Paging Dr. Ferguson

Dreams are never really what they seem to be. There is always a hidden meaning of everything in them. But what does a reoccurring dream mean? I'm almost in my senior year of College with a double major of Pre-Med and Psychology. I took some time off to find myself so as all my friends are already in the work field or soon to be graduating, I seem to be finding myself lost once again. It seems almost impossible for me to live one day at a time when there are decisions to be made for my future but the deadline seems to be creeping up on me. I have been so stressed recently which is normal for me when it comes to making any big decision, but now I am even stressed in my dreams.. For the past 2 weeks or so I have been in an unfamiliar hospital running around lost, over the intercom all I hear is

Paging Dr. Ferguson

and people looking at me as I sprint by pointing me to the direction I need to be going.. but I never get to where I need to be before I suddenly wake up. I don't dream this every night but I have had the dream 5 times in 2 weeks. I really wish I could just get to my destination before waking up so maybe I can find out what is going on.